War of the Roses: Redux Edition
Posted: 11 Sep 2019, 21:34
Two Lies and a Truth
“Fuck this shit.” Caesar stood up from the table and tossed a quarter next to the cups in the center of it.
“Aw, c’mon. Don’t be a sore loser,” Dawn said. “We can let you win next time!”
“I agree, but not because of his ego. We don’t know if he suffers from whiskey dick,” Val said, sipping from one of the filled cups.
Caesar looked to Ron and Britton for help, but the two of them only shrugged. Ron because he was too busy enjoying the fact that four girls, three of whom were willing to give it up fairly easily, had practically taken up residence in the beach house for the last three days, and Britton because he didn’t care. He’d drink a bit and then go to sleep.
“Y’all enjoy,” Caesar said as he stepped into his shoes and headed for the patio.
Kaley sat cross-legged on one of the loungers. She stared at her phone, flicking a thumb across the screen every so often. Caesar walked to the opposite side of the deck and leaned against the railing to look out toward the Gulf.
The night was peaceful there. Back home, the weather would be worsening as Hurricane Ana approached one of its handful of forecasted landfalls.
He reached into his pocket for his cellphone but cursed when he realized he’d left it inside. It was an easy decision to leave it. He didn’t want to be dragged into another game of quarters when he wasn’t particularly good at it. Call it his competitive side – or his ego.
With nothing else to do, he tugged at the bandage wrapped around his hand. He’d gone to a store in the morning to replace the makeshift wrapping with something a bit more suitable for the job. Kaley hadn’t so much as looked in his direction since her outburst.
That didn’t make him any less curious.
He glanced back at her. Her head was still buried in her phone. Deciding to shoot his shot, he went and sat on the side of the lounger next to her. He wasn’t surprised when she ignored him, so he peeked at her phone.
Picture after picture of her and some guy who looked like he drove a lifted truck with a “Salt Life” sticker on the back of it and balls hanging from the hitch.
“Shouldn’t it be about time for you to figure out which one of my friends you’re sticking your dick in?” she asked without looking up from her phone.
“I don’t ‘figure out’ which one. It’s more like a reverse train.”
Her thumb stilled for a moment. “That’s fucking disgusting.”
“You hang around here like you’re thinking about joining in. It could just be the two of us if you want. Ron can handle your friends by himself.”
“Nope. I’m good. Thanks. I’m here because we’re waiting out a storm and my friends are here. No other reason.”
Caesar nodded, vaguely remembering one of the other three mentioning that they were from the North Shore. It would be families from St. Tammany Parish that would evacuate to a vacation destination.
“That the guy who broke up with you?” he asked, reaching over and flipping through a few photos himself.
She pulled the phone away and finally looked up. “Is it any of your business?”
“I just wanted to see the fella who was stupid enough to break up with someone who looks like you right before she came to a place like this. A lot of hot guys on the beach and shit to turn your head.”
“I would ask if that shit really works, but obviously it does.”
“So, is that the ex? What’s his name? He looks like a Brandon. Brandon David and that’s what he likes to be called.”
She rolled her eyes. “How about I ask you questions? Why did you treat my cousin like shit? She didn’t do anything to deserve that.”
“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” He gestured toward her. “Whatever it may be that you want to show me.”
“Do you try to be this skeevy or is it just natural?”
“Au naturale, sha. C’mon. You tell me about Brandon David and I’ll tell you whatever you want to know about me and Carla, short lived as it was.”
She glanced at her phone then locked it and put it down next to her. Taking a deep breath, she looked at him. Caesar could tell her curiosity won out. “His name isn’t fucking Brandon David. It’s David James.”
“I knew he was one of those motherfuckers who wanted to be called by his first and middle name! Let me guess. He has at least three kids already. None of ‘em from you. And you finally got tired of the baby mama drama.”
“If you’re going to insult me then—”
He held his hands up. “I’m sorry. It’s like an unconscious tick to be an asshole. My bad. So, why did you and David James break up?”
“He proposed.”
“To you?”
“No, to his fucking sister. Yes, to me.”
“What are you, 16? 17? Aren’t you a little young to be having people getting down on their knee? You one of those girls who mess with those 30-year-old pedos?”
“He just turned 18, and yes, I’m too young, that would be one of the reasons I said no.”
Caesar scratched his chin. “I could see why someone would break up with someone else because they shot down their proposal. Feels bad man. What’s the other reason? Little dick? Doesn’t eat pussy?”
“Seriously?” she raised her eyebrow.
“Sorry, sorry. Last time. I swear. But I really want to know. It can’t just be because of your age. Plenty of folks just promise to get married to one another when they graduate.”
“He wanted me to drop out of school. Be the oilfield wife for his oilfield life. The last straw was when he got my mom and my sister on his side. Of course, my sister loves that whole being a housewife shit so why wouldn’t I?”
“That’s fucking dumb. Who the fuck wants to be a housewife?”
“Isn’t your mom a housewife?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, but you can tell she doesn’t like it. She has a degree and shit, but at this point no one’s going to see her as anything else but Mrs. Jenkins and it’s obvious that pisses her off.”
“Exactly!” she shouted, turning so that she was facing him. He could tell she was getting riled up about the situation. “And the fucking worst part? That everyone thought it was a better idea to go get fucking knocked up and do that shit than for me to go to Tulane and get a law degree! Apparently, in 2050, it’s still too high of a rung for a woman in Louisiana to want to be a fucking lawyer instead of breeding cow!”
“Sounds like you made the right choice then. Fuck David James.”
“What?”
“You—made the right choice?”
She blinked. “Thanks. Now, your turn.”
“Oh, that’s simple,” he said, shrugging. “I keep a lot of girls around because I’m afraid of being alone, but I cheat because I don’t want them to reject me before I get the chance to reject them.”
“That’s such bullshit. You read that in a book somewhere. You just like to stick your dick in everything.”
He held his hands up. “You don’t have to believe me, but that’s why. For what it’s worth, Carla is a nice chick. She just needed to find someone other than me to fuck.”
“There has to be more to it than that.”
Caesar threw his legs onto the lounger and put his hands behind his head. Staring up at the sky, he smiled a bit. “It sure is a pretty night. Don’t you think?”
“Back to being a dickhead, I see.” Kaley picked up her phone and went back to swiping through pictures of her and her ex.
…
Kaley walked down the boardwalk along the beach. Dawn, Andrea, and Val had again decided to stay the night at the beach house with the guys. That meant another lonely walk back to Dawn’s family’s place. For the past couple nights, her parents had been too drunk to realize that their daughter and two of her friends had only been back to take showers and change clothes before leaving again.
Her phone vibrated in her hand as David tried to call her again. It was attempt number fifteen of the night to go along with the countless texts, growing from apologetic to angry and back again as she ignored those too.
She’d decided whether to accept his apologies or not when she got back to Slidell and he got back from his hitch in Fourchon.
Until then, she’d continue to ignore him.
Footsteps approaching from behind her shook her from her thoughts. She reached for her pockets but cursed as she realized she didn’t have any on the pair of shorts she was wearing which meant she didn’t have her pepper spray.
“Whoa, you going to stab me or something?”
Her panic turned to anger as Caesar stepped up alongside her. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! You scared the shit out of me.”
“I called your name like four times. You must’ve been in your thoughts again.”
“What do you want?”
He looked down as her phone started vibrating again. He pulled the phone from her hand, rejected the call and put the phone in his pocket.
“Give me my phone back,” she said, holding her hand out.
“You’re not even answering it. C’mon. I’m going where you’re going.”
“Give me my phone, Caesar.”
He looked around. “I don’t know what phone you’re talking about, Kaley. Is it the one that’s vibrating in my pocket that you weren’t answering? If you need a vibrator, they sell those.”
“You’re a fucking asshole.”
“That I am.” He winked at her. “Now, where are you going? I’m going there, too.”
“No, you’re not. Go back and get your dick wet.”
“I got my fill of that for now. Maybe Britton will have himself a good time tonight,” he said. “We could either walk or we could stand right here. It’s up to you.”
She turned toward the sand and walked out onto the beach. Glancing back, she held out her hands. “Well, come on then. If you’re going to ruin my night, then I’m at least going to be by the water while you do it in case I need to drown myself.”
Caesar smiled as he followed behind her. “So, tell me more about this lawyer dream you have. I might need one if I ever knock up any of these girls.”
“You don’t need legal advice for that. You need plan B or an abortion clinic.”
“Oh, yeah. You’re definitely my type.” He laughed.
“Fuck this shit.” Caesar stood up from the table and tossed a quarter next to the cups in the center of it.
“Aw, c’mon. Don’t be a sore loser,” Dawn said. “We can let you win next time!”
“I agree, but not because of his ego. We don’t know if he suffers from whiskey dick,” Val said, sipping from one of the filled cups.
Caesar looked to Ron and Britton for help, but the two of them only shrugged. Ron because he was too busy enjoying the fact that four girls, three of whom were willing to give it up fairly easily, had practically taken up residence in the beach house for the last three days, and Britton because he didn’t care. He’d drink a bit and then go to sleep.
“Y’all enjoy,” Caesar said as he stepped into his shoes and headed for the patio.
Kaley sat cross-legged on one of the loungers. She stared at her phone, flicking a thumb across the screen every so often. Caesar walked to the opposite side of the deck and leaned against the railing to look out toward the Gulf.
The night was peaceful there. Back home, the weather would be worsening as Hurricane Ana approached one of its handful of forecasted landfalls.
He reached into his pocket for his cellphone but cursed when he realized he’d left it inside. It was an easy decision to leave it. He didn’t want to be dragged into another game of quarters when he wasn’t particularly good at it. Call it his competitive side – or his ego.
With nothing else to do, he tugged at the bandage wrapped around his hand. He’d gone to a store in the morning to replace the makeshift wrapping with something a bit more suitable for the job. Kaley hadn’t so much as looked in his direction since her outburst.
That didn’t make him any less curious.
He glanced back at her. Her head was still buried in her phone. Deciding to shoot his shot, he went and sat on the side of the lounger next to her. He wasn’t surprised when she ignored him, so he peeked at her phone.
Picture after picture of her and some guy who looked like he drove a lifted truck with a “Salt Life” sticker on the back of it and balls hanging from the hitch.
“Shouldn’t it be about time for you to figure out which one of my friends you’re sticking your dick in?” she asked without looking up from her phone.
“I don’t ‘figure out’ which one. It’s more like a reverse train.”
Her thumb stilled for a moment. “That’s fucking disgusting.”
“You hang around here like you’re thinking about joining in. It could just be the two of us if you want. Ron can handle your friends by himself.”
“Nope. I’m good. Thanks. I’m here because we’re waiting out a storm and my friends are here. No other reason.”
Caesar nodded, vaguely remembering one of the other three mentioning that they were from the North Shore. It would be families from St. Tammany Parish that would evacuate to a vacation destination.
“That the guy who broke up with you?” he asked, reaching over and flipping through a few photos himself.
She pulled the phone away and finally looked up. “Is it any of your business?”
“I just wanted to see the fella who was stupid enough to break up with someone who looks like you right before she came to a place like this. A lot of hot guys on the beach and shit to turn your head.”
“I would ask if that shit really works, but obviously it does.”
“So, is that the ex? What’s his name? He looks like a Brandon. Brandon David and that’s what he likes to be called.”
She rolled her eyes. “How about I ask you questions? Why did you treat my cousin like shit? She didn’t do anything to deserve that.”
“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” He gestured toward her. “Whatever it may be that you want to show me.”
“Do you try to be this skeevy or is it just natural?”
“Au naturale, sha. C’mon. You tell me about Brandon David and I’ll tell you whatever you want to know about me and Carla, short lived as it was.”
She glanced at her phone then locked it and put it down next to her. Taking a deep breath, she looked at him. Caesar could tell her curiosity won out. “His name isn’t fucking Brandon David. It’s David James.”
“I knew he was one of those motherfuckers who wanted to be called by his first and middle name! Let me guess. He has at least three kids already. None of ‘em from you. And you finally got tired of the baby mama drama.”
“If you’re going to insult me then—”
He held his hands up. “I’m sorry. It’s like an unconscious tick to be an asshole. My bad. So, why did you and David James break up?”
“He proposed.”
“To you?”
“No, to his fucking sister. Yes, to me.”
“What are you, 16? 17? Aren’t you a little young to be having people getting down on their knee? You one of those girls who mess with those 30-year-old pedos?”
“He just turned 18, and yes, I’m too young, that would be one of the reasons I said no.”
Caesar scratched his chin. “I could see why someone would break up with someone else because they shot down their proposal. Feels bad man. What’s the other reason? Little dick? Doesn’t eat pussy?”
“Seriously?” she raised her eyebrow.
“Sorry, sorry. Last time. I swear. But I really want to know. It can’t just be because of your age. Plenty of folks just promise to get married to one another when they graduate.”
“He wanted me to drop out of school. Be the oilfield wife for his oilfield life. The last straw was when he got my mom and my sister on his side. Of course, my sister loves that whole being a housewife shit so why wouldn’t I?”
“That’s fucking dumb. Who the fuck wants to be a housewife?”
“Isn’t your mom a housewife?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, but you can tell she doesn’t like it. She has a degree and shit, but at this point no one’s going to see her as anything else but Mrs. Jenkins and it’s obvious that pisses her off.”
“Exactly!” she shouted, turning so that she was facing him. He could tell she was getting riled up about the situation. “And the fucking worst part? That everyone thought it was a better idea to go get fucking knocked up and do that shit than for me to go to Tulane and get a law degree! Apparently, in 2050, it’s still too high of a rung for a woman in Louisiana to want to be a fucking lawyer instead of breeding cow!”
“Sounds like you made the right choice then. Fuck David James.”
“What?”
“You—made the right choice?”
She blinked. “Thanks. Now, your turn.”
“Oh, that’s simple,” he said, shrugging. “I keep a lot of girls around because I’m afraid of being alone, but I cheat because I don’t want them to reject me before I get the chance to reject them.”
“That’s such bullshit. You read that in a book somewhere. You just like to stick your dick in everything.”
He held his hands up. “You don’t have to believe me, but that’s why. For what it’s worth, Carla is a nice chick. She just needed to find someone other than me to fuck.”
“There has to be more to it than that.”
Caesar threw his legs onto the lounger and put his hands behind his head. Staring up at the sky, he smiled a bit. “It sure is a pretty night. Don’t you think?”
“Back to being a dickhead, I see.” Kaley picked up her phone and went back to swiping through pictures of her and her ex.
…
Kaley walked down the boardwalk along the beach. Dawn, Andrea, and Val had again decided to stay the night at the beach house with the guys. That meant another lonely walk back to Dawn’s family’s place. For the past couple nights, her parents had been too drunk to realize that their daughter and two of her friends had only been back to take showers and change clothes before leaving again.
Her phone vibrated in her hand as David tried to call her again. It was attempt number fifteen of the night to go along with the countless texts, growing from apologetic to angry and back again as she ignored those too.
She’d decided whether to accept his apologies or not when she got back to Slidell and he got back from his hitch in Fourchon.
Until then, she’d continue to ignore him.
Footsteps approaching from behind her shook her from her thoughts. She reached for her pockets but cursed as she realized she didn’t have any on the pair of shorts she was wearing which meant she didn’t have her pepper spray.
“Whoa, you going to stab me or something?”
Her panic turned to anger as Caesar stepped up alongside her. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! You scared the shit out of me.”
“I called your name like four times. You must’ve been in your thoughts again.”
“What do you want?”
He looked down as her phone started vibrating again. He pulled the phone from her hand, rejected the call and put the phone in his pocket.
“Give me my phone back,” she said, holding her hand out.
“You’re not even answering it. C’mon. I’m going where you’re going.”
“Give me my phone, Caesar.”
He looked around. “I don’t know what phone you’re talking about, Kaley. Is it the one that’s vibrating in my pocket that you weren’t answering? If you need a vibrator, they sell those.”
“You’re a fucking asshole.”
“That I am.” He winked at her. “Now, where are you going? I’m going there, too.”
“No, you’re not. Go back and get your dick wet.”
“I got my fill of that for now. Maybe Britton will have himself a good time tonight,” he said. “We could either walk or we could stand right here. It’s up to you.”
She turned toward the sand and walked out onto the beach. Glancing back, she held out her hands. “Well, come on then. If you’re going to ruin my night, then I’m at least going to be by the water while you do it in case I need to drown myself.”
Caesar smiled as he followed behind her. “So, tell me more about this lawyer dream you have. I might need one if I ever knock up any of these girls.”
“You don’t need legal advice for that. You need plan B or an abortion clinic.”
“Oh, yeah. You’re definitely my type.” He laughed.