LA PETITE MORT (LITTLE DEATH)
It was the night before Christmas, the Rockets team had the day off to spend time with their friends and family, as they were hitting the road for New York for their Christmas game versus the Knicks.
It's been relatively quiet in the household of the Black family. Soft tunes of Christmas songs traveled through the living room where Recks, Khyri's father and the kids parlayed as Khyri and her mother remained in the kitchen, preparing dinner for tonight.
"So, Khyri, talk to me. How is everything? You haven't talked to me since you told me you've talked to Recks about it."
"Everything is everything, Mommy" Khyri replied as focused on prepping the main course of dinner. Not even once she averted her eyes, but her mother could see that answer was not the real answer.
"I don't think I ever taught you how to lie like that. Has it gotten worse?"
"Practically..." Khyri paused with cutting vegetables, trying to prevent her emotions riling up from the thoughts of her torn relationship.
"It's like... Nothing is there anymore, Ma. Ever since that night, he has barely talked to me unless it was about the children. He doesn't even touch me anymore, let alone look at me. I just.. I don't know what to do anymore."
"And what about how he feels?" Mom asked.
"He doesn't open up to me like that anymore. How am I supposed to know if he doesn't talk to me?"
"You could try sitting down and asking him."
"You make it sound easy."
"Contrary to beliefs fo you young girls, it is easy. A reason why God has given us one mouth and two ears, you speak one, and listen twice as much."
"Thanks Mom, but I don't think--"
"Uh uh, let's not do that." Mom interrupted. "That is the problem now, you answering for other people before you let them answer for themselves. Learn to listen and understand for a change. Do you think me and your father had a easy going relationship, an easy marriage?"
"They way you two make it look, yeah."
"Thank you sweety, but you're wrong. It took time, hard work, and commitment to each other, especially for me. Before we had you, I didn't want to listen. It was my way or no one's way. It was my life to live, but your father showed me the carnage in my wake by leaving. Said he had wanted nothing to do with me until I got my act together... It took me three years and to this day, I still don't know why he waited for me as he did."
"Wow, I didn't know that. But wait, didn't you two not see other people?"
"Yes, I did. But none of them were anything like your father. Surprisingly, you're father kept to him-self. Something unusual for a man during our time, but you look at it now, I see why your father takes such a liking to Recks. He's a man's man, so to speak."
"Mom, I just want to make this work, for our kid's sake. They deserve to have both parents... But there's the other part of me filled with guilt. And if I didn't get pregnant, I would have bailed on Recks, cause he deserves so much better than I am."
Khyri's mom stopped with the side dish she was making, turning Khyri to face her eye to eye, "Stop making excuses and be the better that Recks deserves. It took your father to leave me to understand what I was doing. My advice to you is to get a handle on it before he does the same. These kids may be his, but it doesn't guarantee that he'll stay. It's your job to give a man a home to come home to. Be the home he needs."
The words of her mother sunk into her as she listened on. Khyri knew she was right, and that she couldn't keep running away from reality. No excuses would save her from her own destruction. She knew she would have to make right on everything.
Just as their conversation came to closure, the doorbell rung. A moment later with Recks answering the door, it was his parents finally arriving from Fresno.
"Hey, hey, look who finally made it."
"Hey son, how's my superstar doing?"
"I can not complain Ma, not at all. Old man what's up?"
"You tell me. I see you looking good on and off the court."
"I'm trying to be like you."
"Well, you got a couple decades of experience to go before you get to this level."
"Ouch! Peep that confidence! "Recks laughed.
Kairos raced to the door hugging both his grandparents, "Hey Grandma and Grandpa, I miss you two so much!"
"And we miss you too darling!"
"Hey Kairos, look what we got for ya'. How about you be a sport and put these under the Christmas tree for tomorrow."
Kairos took the gifts, his eyes lit up from the abundance he saw. "Can I open one right now? Please! Please!"
"No way kiddo, only tomorrow you can open your gifts for you and your brother and sisters", Recks retorted. Kairos sucks his teeth and sticks his tongue out at Recks, but playfully gets popped in the back of the head as he ran away.
The evening and night were filled with good times and laughter among the two family coming to unison. Tons of pictures were taken, couples dancing as the triplets looked on. Kairos and Recks took turns playing camera man, dancing with Khyri. To Khyri's surprise, she didn't expect Recks to participate, but she assumed being in the spiriting moment, why wouldn't he. Whatever it may be for the reason, it gave her slight comfort of normalcy, even if it was just for the night. With dinner over, and the lingering aroma still filling the air, the kids fastly fell asleep and put to bed. Both Khyri & Recks' parents made their way to their hotels courtesy of Recks as they planned to stay over the weekend.
".... Tonight was nice, don't you think?" Khyri was in the kitchen, putting away dishes as Recks cleaned up.
"Yeah, it was. Too bad Christmas only comes around once a year."
"Wish you could be here for the kids' first Christmas."
"Yeah, me too. Stuck on the road tomorrow and New Years. But I'll be home more afterwards. Got three road games over the course of three weeks."
"Sounds great. Can't wait to spend more time with you. Just us and the kids."
Recks didn't give a response as Khyri took note of it.
"Recks.. Honestly, tell me, how are you? With everything."
"What do you mean?"
"... With us. It's been two months since we had that talk and you've barely spoken to me. I just want to try to understand you and what's going on in your mind."
Recks paused in cleaning the kitchen, looking directly in Khyri's eyes as she waited intently. Khyri could almost fear the next few words that comes out of his mouth as she hung on for a response.
"Honestly, I'm torn. I'm still hurting, despite getting up every day and putting food on the table. Part of me knows you're not telling me everything. Other part of me wants to just let it go as it is in the past. But I don't know. It honestly fucks with me when I have to think about it."
"... I'm sorry, Recks. I truly am. Just know that I made a mistake and I have to live with it for the rest of my life. If I could take it back, I would in a heart beat, but I can't... But I'm in the here and now, and more importantly, by your side... Whatever it is that you ask of me, whatever it is that needs to be done, to make things right, just let me know and I will... You deserve so much better than this, honestly Recks."
Recks sighed after a long pause, "all I can ask of you is to do better. Whether I like it or not, what's done is done. It bothers me, but I got to put it behind me and focus on what's in front of me. So, it would be much appreciated if you do better, for your sake, mine, and our kids. The last thing we need is a broken home."
Khyri emotions brought herself to tears with the grief she's been harboring. With Recks looking at her, he takes pity, bringing her into his arms as he consoled her. As much as she wasn't entitled to Recks making her feel better, it wasn't in his nature to stand idle to afflicting matters. If it meant for Recks to swallow his pride this one time, to end everything and let it be, he was willing to do so...
But I wouldn't write that off yet