Welcome to the 2009 NBA Draft night, where dreams come true, GMs gamble like it's Vegas, and Knicks fans lose their minds. I’m Bill Simmons, your guide for this evening's chaos. But first, some pre-draft trade madness: Minnesota acquired the 5th pick, Etan Thomas, Darius Songaila, and Oleksiy Pecherov from Washington in exchange for Randy Foye and Mike Miller. Bold move, Minnesota. Now, let’s dive right into the draft.
4:30 PM – I’ve got my Doritos, Red Bull, and laptop ready. This is the NBA Draft night, baby! The Clippers have the number one pick. As usual, they’re in desperate need of everything. But hey, this is their year, right?
4:35 PM – With the first pick, the Los Angeles Clippers select… Steph Curry! WHAT!? Are the Clippers finally making a bold decision? I mean, it’s still the Clippers, but Curry could be the transformative player they need. He was my favorite college player of the past two years. Plus, this means we get to watch Curry and Eric Gordon in the same backcourt. That should be interesting. But wait, they passed on Blake Griffin? Griffin was the consensus top pick, the most NBA-ready player. This is an enormous shocker. The Clippers have truly gone rogue, and I kind of love it.
4:40 PM – The Grizzlies are on the clock, and they must be overjoyed. Blake Griffin, who was expected to go number one, has fallen into their laps. With the second pick, the Memphis Grizzlies select… Blake Griffin! Okay, Memphis! I see you. The most NBA-ready player in the draft goes to a team that desperately needs a star. Can’t wait to see him dunk over Beale Street. The Grizzlies probably thought they'd end up with Hasheem Thabeet, but Griffin is a massive upgrade.
4:45 PM – The Zombie Sonics take … James Harden. And thank God, I didn’t want to turn on Seattle. I really didn’t.
“He’s battled asthma since he was a child,” Scott tells us. How does Rubio drop to No. 4? How?!? I feel like I’m gonna pass out. I like Harden as a glue-character guy and he definitely has a good porn name. But considering the Zombies have to worry about Durant fleeing in a couple of years, wasn’t it in their best interests to find him an unselfish guard who’s immensely fun to play with and was put on the earth to get Durant easy baskets? Big mistake.
4:50 PM – In desperate need of a point guard, Sacramento takes … Tyreke Evans. It’s as if these GMs are trying to hurt me. I feel physically ill.
Tyreke’s weaknesses, according to our ESPN.com Draft Card: “Can be selfish … over-dribbles … lacks consistent range on his jump shot … not a super explosive leaper … poor shot selection.” They left out, “Not a natural point guard,” and “drove a getaway car during a drive-by shooting but was not charged by police.”
4:55 PM – Here come the Timberwolves with back-to-back picks. The T-Wolves are on the clock with two straight; hopefully, they’re smart enough to take Rubio, or I’m going to pull out a can of whipped cream and do whip-its until I pass out. Of course, they just flashed the résumé of new GM David Kahn. It’s one for the ages. I threw one fake job in there just for comedy’s sake. See if you can find it.
NBDL (’05-’09): Founder Southwest Basketball
MLB (’03-’04): Oregon Stadium Campaign
Indiana Pacers (’95-’04): GM (’98-’02)
Four Seasons Hotel, Orlando (’95): Valet
Proskauer Rose LLP (’93-’95): Associate
NBC Sports (’90-’95): Consultant, NBA Showtime
Portland Oregonian (’84-’89): NBA sports writer
(Translation: Anything is possible with these two picks. Anything.)
With the fifth pick, the Minnesota Timberwolves select… Ricky Rubio. The Spanish sensation! A flashy passer who can electrify crowds. This is going to be fun. I am surprised he fell this far, but maybe his contract buyout is causing teams to think twice. Its supposed to be in the $5 to 7 million range..yikes.
5:00 PM – With the sixth pick, the Minnesota Timberwolves select… Hasheem Thabeet. What!? They just took a pass first point guard in Rubio and now a center who can’t score? Minnesota, you’re confusing me. Maybe they’re planning something big. Al Jefferson and Kevin Love are already in that frontcourt. Maybe one of them get moved. I’m in “Star Trek II” mode right now. “Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahn!!!!!!” So stupid. I’m never trusting a guy who worked as a TV consultant, a sports writer and a stadium campaign organizer to run an NBA team again.
5:05 PM – The Warriors are next. With the seventh pick, the Golden State Warriors select… Jordan Hill. Well, that’s… underwhelming. The Warriors do love their big men projects. I’m not sold, but let’s see.
5:10 PM – The Knicks are up. I can hear the fans booing already. With the eighth pick, the New York Knicks select… Jonny Flynn. BOOM! There it is! Wait, the fans are... cheering? Flynn is a hometown hero from Syracuse, and Knicks fans feel like he’s a great fit for Mike D'Antoni’s offense. Finally, some positivity in Madison Square Garden.
5:15 PM – The Raptors are on the clock. With the ninth pick, the Toronto Raptors select… DeMar DeRozan. Finally, a pick that makes sense. DeRozan’s athleticism and potential are off the charts. Good job, Toronto. You deserve this.
5:20 PM – Wrapping up the top 10, the Bucks. With the tenth pick, the Milwaukee Bucks select… Brandon Jennings. The high school-to-Europe-to-NBA sensation. He’s got swagger for days and should inject some excitement into the Bucks' offense.
5:30 PM – Time for a breather. The first ten picks are in, and I’m buzzing. The Clippers might have just started a dynasty with Curry. Griffin in Memphis? Harden with Durant in OKC? And the Timberwolves’ bizarre back-to-back picks! This is why we love the NBA Draft.
5:35 PM – Quick recap: Curry to the Clippers is a game-changer. Griffin will be an immediate star in Memphis. Harden with Durant could be scary. The Wolves' picks are puzzling, but let’s see how it unfolds. Flynn to the Knicks is a classic Knicks move, but the fans are actually happy this time. DeRozan is a steal for Toronto, and Jennings will be a must-watch in Milwaukee.
5:40 PM – This draft has had it all: smart picks, head-scratchers, and the usual Knicks drama. Here’s to hoping these young guys live up to their potential. Until next year, this is Bill Simmons signing off. Enjoy the offseason, folks!
Memphis Grizzlies – Griffin is a franchise-changing talent.
Did the Clippers make a mistake passing on Griffin?
Raymond Felton (25) – A solid defensive-minded PG who will either start next to Curry or serve as a strong backup.
Bobcats: B+ – They get instant firepower but at the cost of long-term flexibility. Playoffs or bust.
Clippers: A- – Moving off Davis & Randolph’s contracts gives them a clean slate to build around Curry.
Jacque Vaughn – A steady veteran point guard who can guide Curry through his rookie season.
Sound off! Did the Clippers make the right moves this offseason? Let us know in the comments!
