Post
by Caesar » 05 May 2025, 09:09
Stay Out Your Own Way
The parking garage downtown felt colder than usual, its echo swallowing the sound of Royce’s footsteps as he moved toward Billy’s office building. His hands were jammed into his hoodie pocket, jaw tight, headphones in—but nothing playing. He’d been doing that a lot lately. Carrying around silence like it was safer than any song that might remind him of her.
He passed a flower shop on the way in. Pink roses in the window. For a split second, he thought about Valentine’s Day—how last year Alix had laughed because he gave her a plant instead of flowers. “At least a plant fights for its life,” he’d said, half-serious. “I can relate.” She’d rolled her eyes but kissed him anyway.
Royce swallowed and walked faster.
Inside the building, everything felt like a showroom—too clean, too still. The kind of place where nothing could hurt you, but nothing lived either. He nodded at the receptionist and barely heard her buzz him through.
The elevator ride up felt longer than it was.
As he turned the corner to Billy’s suite, he nearly collided with Chance Delpit.
Delpit looked up from his phone, already clocking the shift in Royce’s energy. He tucked the phone away, not missing a beat. “Didn’t expect to see you here today.”
Royce gave a small nod. “Just signing some paperwork.”
Delpit stepped to the side, but not far. “Good. Gotta keep the machine running.”
Royce moved like he was going to keep walking, but then Delpit added, quieter now:
“Your body language screaming at everybody, even when your mouth closed.”
Royce froze mid-step. He hadn’t realized how clenched his shoulders were until Delpit said it.
“Fix it,” Delpit said, voice level. “Or the wrong people’ll read it first.”
Royce shrugged, eyes low. “Ain’t that deep.”
Delpit didn’t buy it. “You leaking pain, son. Whether you realize it or not. And in this business, that’s like bleeding in the water.”
Royce exhaled, slow and shallow. He didn’t argue, but his jaw ticked.
Delpit didn’t press further. “I’m not asking. Just naming it. There’s a difference.”
He gave Royce a light pat on the shoulder, then moved down the hallway like nothing happened.
But something had.
Royce watched him go, lips parted like he wanted to say something back. He didn’t. He wasn’t sure what he would’ve said anyway.
In Billy’s office, the scent of fresh paper and carpet cleaner hit him first. Billy was hunched over his desk, flipping through two folders with a red Sharpie tucked behind his ear. There were contracts, calendars, appearance deals—stuff Royce usually moved through without a second thought.
“You’re early,” Billy said, not looking up.
“Delpit said the same thing.”
Billy smirked. “Maybe you’re finally learning time is money.”
Royce sat down in the chair across from him, but didn’t speak. He stared at the edge of the desk, his fingers tapping a slow rhythm on his thigh. Billy glanced up.
“You good?”
Royce didn’t answer.
He reached for the pen. Started signing.
But his head wasn’t here.
It was back at his apartment. The box he left on the bed. Her silence when he shut the door. The last time she said his name like it meant something. Every part of him had told himself it was fine—he’d been through worse. You don’t miss people who choose to leave.
But Delpit had seen it.
Royce’s body felt heavier these days. Even breathing felt like it took more energy. He wasn’t sleeping. Wasn’t eating right. Couldn’t stop replaying the things he didn’t say, the things she did.
He signed the last page and slid the pen across the desk.
Billy gave him a once-over. “You sure you’re good?”
Royce looked him dead in the eye.
“I’m surviving.”
Billy nodded slowly, eyes narrowing like he knew that answer wasn’t the same as being okay.
“Surviving’s better than drowning,” Billy said carefully. “But not by much.”
Royce didn’t respond.
He just stood up, thanked Billy under his breath, and walked out.
In the hallway, his phone buzzed. A group chat from the team. Some meme. He didn’t open it. Didn’t care. He scrolled anyway—half-hoping, half-dreading that Alix might’ve texted him.
Nothing.
He shoved the phone in his pocket and walked toward the elevator, back straight, jaw set.
But Delpit was right.
He was leaking.
And he wasn’t sure how much more he had left before something cracked.
~~~~~~~~~~
The box didn’t feel heavy, but Alix’s arms ached by the time she reached the gate to her parents’ backyard. The cardboard edges had gone soft from her grip, one side bent inward where she’d accidentally stepped on it getting it into the car. It was duct-taped shut—too sloppily, she thought. Like if she’d tried to neaten it, the whole thing might’ve spilled.
It was cooler than usual, a lazy overcast afternoon that didn’t seem to have made up its mind. Somewhere inside the house, the dull sound of a game echoed from the TV. Marc must’ve left it on low. Out back, he stood near the grill in his white company hoodie, one hand on the tongs, the other resting against the patio post. Darius kicked a ball lazily toward the fence, half-engaged.
Alix hoped they wouldn’t notice her.
She should’ve come earlier. Or later. But something about the daylight made it easier to pretend she wasn’t hiding. Still, her steps slowed as she rounded the corner, the box balanced against her chest like it might fall apart if she let it shift too far in any direction.
Marc saw her first. Then Darius.
Her little brother blinked and looked at the box. “What’s that?”
Alix stopped walking. She tried to smile, but it felt flimsy on her face. “Just dropping something off.”
Darius tilted his head. “Is it from Royce?”
The question landed sharper than she expected. She felt it in her stomach.
Before she could speak, Marc’s voice came low but firm: “Darius, go on inside.”
“But—”
“Now.”
Darius grumbled but obeyed, dragging his feet as he disappeared into the house, the door slapping lightly behind him. The yard was quiet again, save for the low hiss of the grill.
Alix took a breath. “You can say it.”
Marc turned toward her but didn’t respond.
“That you told me this would happen.”
Still nothing. Just the sound of him stepping off the patio and walking toward her. She hadn’t realized how tight her grip had gotten on the box until he gently took it from her arms.
She let go.
She expected some lecture. Something fatherly. Maybe a disappointed sigh. But Marc didn’t give her any of that.
He just carried the box across the lawn like it was filled with anything but her first real heartbreak.
They reached the shed together. It creaked open—still too low to walk into without ducking. The air inside smelled like dust and grass seed. An old tarp lay folded in one corner, next to Darius’s outgrown football cleats and a cracked lawn chair nobody had thrown out.
Marc didn’t ask what was in the box. Didn’t need to. He found an open space on the highest shelf and slid it there with careful hands. As if it might crumble if touched too roughly.
Alix stood in the doorway, arms crossed.
“You want me to throw it away?” Marc asked, quiet.
“No.” Her voice came fast. Too fast. She shook her head, slower this time. “Not yet.”
He nodded. Didn’t press.
She lingered, staring at the shelf. The box looked small now. Harmless. Like it wasn’t full of birthday cards, a hoodie that still smelled like him, Polaroids from a trip, the bracelet he bought at a gas station just because it had her birthstone. A lot of stuff he’d bought after the NIL money started coming in.
She turned to leave, but Marc’s voice stopped her.
“You okay?”
It was the first real thing he’d said.
Alix didn’t answer at first. She wanted to say yes. She wanted to lie. But something about the way he asked—like he already knew she wasn’t—made her stop pretending.
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
Marc just nodded. “That’s alright.”
The shed door creaked shut behind them.
And the box stayed there, tucked high and quiet, waiting on time to do what it always promises—and rarely does.
…
Alix stood in the kitchen, knuckles tight around the folded flaps of an empty box. The scent of the shed clung to her—dry grass, mildew, heat soaked into old wood. It was done.
Now she rinsed her hands under cold water, not because they were dirty, but because they felt hot. Like her skin still remembered every item she packed into that box.
Sharon was sitting at the table when Alix walked in, her reading glasses perched low, a tea mug beside her half-finished crossword. She looked up, expression unreadable but alert.
“Hey,” she said.
Alix nodded. “Hey.”
“You want something to eat? I was about to make a sandwich.”
“I’m good.”
Sharon studied her for a beat, then folded her glasses and set them down. “You been sleeping?”
“Here and there.”
Sharon gave a soft hum, neither agreeing nor pushing. “I saw the box.”
Alix looked down at her hands. “Yeah.”
Sharon’s voice was calm, but not casual. “You ready to talk about what happened?”
Alix paused. She wanted to say no. She wanted to say it didn’t matter. But the words surprised her when they came.
“He forgot I existed. He cheated.”
The room seemed to hold its breath. Sharon didn’t react with shock—only silence, followed by a slow exhale.
“I knew,” Alix added quickly. “I knew when he started staying out late. When he stopped looking at me and started performing like I was just… part of the scene. I was going to stay if he hadn’t stopped seeing me.”
Sharon sat back in her chair, her expression soft but coiled. “Do you know who?”
Alix paused. “Does it even matter?”
“No,” Sharon said, after a pause. “Not really.”
They let the quiet settle for a moment. The sound of the old fridge humming filled the space between them. Outside, the shed stood tucked behind the flowerbed, summer vines curling around its side like hands that didn’t want to let go.
“I kept waiting for it to make sense,” Alix murmured. “Like maybe I did something wrong. Maybe I wasn’t enough. But that’s not it. He just didn’t want to be held accountable. Not to me. Not to anyone.”
Sharon reached for her mug and took a sip. “There’s a kind of man who loves what you give him… until he has to give something back.”
Alix’s eyes welled, but she blinked hard, refusing to let them fall. “I should’ve listened when Marc said--”
Sharon interrupted gently. “Marc’s been wrong before too. You weren’t stupid for loving him. Don’t let anybody, not even yourself, convince you that you were.”
Alix stared at her mother for a long time. “Why does it still hurt this bad if I know I made the right decision?”
“Because the right thing doesn’t always come with relief,” Sharon said, her voice quiet. “Sometimes it just comes with silence.”
Alix looked away, toward the back window. She could see the outline of the shed, could almost feel the weight of that box still in her hands.
Sharon reached out and touched her daughter’s wrist, light but grounding. “You did the hard thing. That counts for something.”
Alix nodded. She didn’t say thank you. She didn’t need to.
Outside, the box waited on a shelf neither of them would reach for again anytime soon. Inside, a girl sat across from her mother, finally allowing herself to grieve what never got to grow past its beginnings.
~~~~~~~~~~
The corner store door creaked open, its bell giving a lazy jingle that no one inside bothered to look up at. Poochie stepped in, his hoodie up despite the Baton Rouge heat, hands stuffed deep in his pockets. The fluorescent lights buzzed overhead like they were tired too, casting a sterile glow over the dusty chip racks and coolers humming with condensation.
He moved with a practiced rhythm—back corner, third row, second shelf. Same honey bun he always grabbed, soft and collapsing inside the wrapper. Gatorade came next—red, always red. He didn’t look at the clerk as he placed the items on the counter, just nodded once, head low.
The clerk didn’t speak either. Just scanned.
Poochie slipped his card from his wallet and slid it forward.
Declined.
He cleared his throat, eyes still down. “Try it again?”
A pause. The beep again.
Declined.
Poochie forced a smile, small and tight. “One more time. Probably just bein’ slow.”
The clerk glanced up but didn’t say anything. Another beep. Same message.
Poochie let out a breath through his nose, slow and measured like he hadn’t just felt his chest tighten. “Cool, cool,” he muttered, reaching into his pocket for a crumpled wad of bills. A five. Two ones. Enough. He peeled them off, laid them on the counter, and took his stuff without another word.
The bell jingled again as he stepped back outside, squinting against the late afternoon sun. His car sat slouched near the side of the lot, old paint dull, one hubcap missing.
A kid in a navy Mercer hoodie was walking toward the door, phone in one hand, keys in the other. He paused when he saw Poochie and held the door without thinking.
“Appreciate it,” Poochie said, voice low.
They nodded at each other, just two strangers on different orbits.
But Poochie lingered a second too long, eyes tracing the car the kid came from—a clean little sedan, maybe two years old, no dents, no rust, just reliable.
“You go there?” The question slipped out before he could stop it.
The kid turned. “Nah, unc, my girl does. Volleyball.”
Poochie nodded again, swallowing something thick and invisible. “Cool, cool.”
The kid squinted, friendly but cautious. “You went there or something?”
Poochie stared past him for a moment, like he had to reach back through fog. “Used to.”
The kid offered a polite smile, one of those tight ones people give when they don’t quite know what to say. “That’s what’s up.”
He slipped inside, and a moment later, the sedan pulled out of the lot, its engine quiet and unbothered.
Poochie stood there, bag in hand, staring at the space where the car had been. The sun was starting to dip now, shadows growing long across the cracked pavement. A breeze passed, lifting the edge of his hoodie.
He didn’t go home.
Instead, he walked to his car and slid in behind the wheel, not starting it. The air inside was stuffy, windows streaked with fingerprints and dust. He opened the driver’s side door just enough to let some air in, let the light spill across his lap. Unwrapped the honey bun slowly and took a bite.
Sweet. Soft. Familiar.
He chewed slowly, eyes fixed on nothing in particular. The gas station lights buzzed on overhead, flickering like they couldn’t quite decide how bright they wanted to be. His Gatorade sat unopened in the cupholder.
From the rearview, something dangled—a fraying navy and orange lanyard, the Mercer logo barely visible anymore. He stared at it for a long time. His jaw clenched.
Then, without a word, he reached up, yanked it down, and shoved it into the glove compartment. Slammed it shut.
He stayed like that for a while, hunched in the silence, door cracked, wrapper half-open, just another car in a lot nobody looked twice at.
Because sometimes the hardest part of losing your future isn’t when it ends—it’s when you run into someone who still has theirs.