Season 4, Episode 12
The beautifully decorated dining table seemed empty, the usual suspects – Macie, Cory and Ann – forever absent as the warm glow of the Christmas lights tried to replicate their warmth. Taylour and Kwame did their best to fill the void, her diamond ring shining brighter than the polished silverware.
“Do you guys have a venue yet?” asked Jolie, uniquely equipped with making a newcomer feel at home.
“I have some thoughts,” Taylour awkwardly laughed, “We just have to get things lined up as far as the date, how many people, you know.”
“The price,” Kwame added, drawing a laugh from the group, “Especially with the little one on the way.”
Taylour’s bump was the first thing that Kam and everyone else noticed upon their arrival, instantly spoiling the surprise and their announcement. It dominated the early dinner conversations with Jolie offering sage advice that only a grandmother could before moving onto more festive topics.
Kam mostly kept to himself, picking at the plate in front of him, the string of plane rides taking a toll on him. The conversations continued, mostly around Taylour as it was her first time meeting Kam’s grandparents, Dustin and Jolie. Kam remained on the outskirts, occasionally answering a cliché question about his first semester at college.
As the dinner turned to dessert, Kam found himself on the patio, enjoying the cool winter breeze as he huddled into his coat.
“It’s about zero degrees out here,” Kwame slid open the door, jumping on the opportunity for a quiet moment together, even if it meant bracing the cold weather.
“I’ll still take this over the heat though,” Kam remarked, “You’re back in Tampa now?”
“Yeah,” Kwame took a seat, “I’ll probably still work with Hector from time to time, maybe when he’s out of camp and back in Florida but man, I can’t do all that traveling back and forth shit anymore.”
Kam could relate, having been on no less than six flights in the past three weeks, with another on the horizon, “I feel you.”
“Kay is getting so big man, I send her mom all of your touchdowns and highlights to show to her so whenever she sees like football on TV now, she thinks it’s you.”
“Y’all good now, you and her mom’s?”
“As good as it’s going to get,” Kwame laughed, appreciative of the fact he could now have those talks with his son, “If you get a good woman in your life, you got to treat her that way, Kam. The good Lord sent me three, I’ve messed up with two of them already so this my last at-bat, I’ll tell you that.”
“Whatever really happened,” Kam paused, “With you and my mom?”
“That’s a great question,” Kwame stiffened, wiping the tear from his eye, “I chased that girl down, I’m not going to lie to you. From the first day I met her, I borrowed a car from my friend to pick her up after school to impress her, didn’t even have my license yet. She could see right through me, all that fake stuff that I thought she wanted or wanted me to be like.”
“About a year, year and half, she got pregnant but didn’t tell me so I’m back here, working while she’s off to college and she just showed up one night, crying. I tried to get her to stay in school, but she just wanted to come back home and she did, so we raised you, at your grandparent’s house over by Park Ridge. It’s no excuse but I was just drained from working and then coming home and not feeling like a man, being at my girl’s parent’s house that I started straying away from her. I was already feeling guilty about getting her pregnant, so now I was just adding more and more guilt to the point that I couldn’t even look at her too long which just made me step out even more and more until it snowballed into what it was and she just couldn’t forgive me no more.”
Kam hung onto his father’s every word, picturing the scenes in his mind that helped shape the man that was now in front of him.
“A woman will forgive you a thousand times before she forgives herself so when you put her in a position where she’s ashamed or herself, of who she’s become, what’s she allowing? It’s over and it was so we did the co-parenting thing for a while and then I went down to Florida for a training camp for a fight and then another fight and I don’t know, life kept going and next thing I knew, she’s married with another kid on the way and I’m…I was where I was at.”
“Do you regret,” Kam’s voice cracked, “Like, not making it work?”
“Every day,” Kwame let out a dry chuckle, “I’m grateful for Katy, love that girl more than life itself and Taylour is my saving’s grace but your mom, man, that was the one. You’ll know when it’s that one, it’s a feeling you can’t fight.”
…
Kam stood nervously outside the house, taking another look at his phone for the address that Tess had given him. He had tricked her into thinking he was sending her a gift, but his real intention was far more personal. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.
Yassy opened the door, her eyes widening in surprise. “Kam? What are you doing here?”
“I needed to see you,” Kam replied, his voice steady despite the turmoil inside. “Can we talk?”
Yassy paused, the temperatures outside too frigid as she begrudgingly welcomed him into the house. They settled in the living room, the tension from their last argument still lingering in the air. She was alone, for now, as her family had ran to the store for the final preparations for their New Years’ Eve celebration but they’d be back soon.
“You’re back on campus?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he replied, “Just today and tomorrow, I need to clean my stuff out from my dorm and my locker room.”
“So you are leaving,” she had seen the tweets, shamelessly searching his name on a daily basis and having to resort to forum browsing, “Do you know where you’re going yet?”
“Not really,” he answered truthfully, still deciding between his handful of choices.
“So just not here,” she stopped herself, “I’m happy for you Kam, I really am, I just..”
Kam took a deep breath. “I feel like a ghost, Yassy. Like shit just keeps happening to me and I’m just there and it happens, that’s it. I’m just fucking there, watching it happen, letting it happen, just accepting whatever life throws at me.”
“Kam….”
“I want to play big time college football,” he cut her off, “But I also want to be with you, like together, so why can’t I have both, why can’t I go for both? I’ve just been letting life happen to me and fuck that, I’m going after what I want and I want to play football at the highest level and I want you.”
